God healed me and my family and now I am okay. They were still there, but I had this peace and confidence that everything was going to be okay. I didn't notice a change immediately, but by the second and third day, I had this peace that I couldn't explain. I died to myself and gave what I thought was a worthless life, to Jesus. I gave my life to Jesus and rededicated myself to Him. So I cried out to God and said " I wrecked my life, so you can have it." I learned about heaven and hell and would have killed myself if I didn't believe I would go to Hell. I even tried when I was 10 years old by making my own poison and drinking it.Īs an adult I always took risks that could have ended in my death.Īfter developing PTSD from my deployments to Iraq my life started to spiral out of control. I attempted suicide several times throughout my life.
#EASY WAYS TO KILL YOURSELF FREE#
He set me free and completely changed me and my family's lives. You may have even thought that they are real but either option would be better than how you are living now, so you might as well hurry up and get to the destination. You may have come to the conclusion that God is not real and those places do not exist. I am sure you have thought about heaven and hell. You have the option to live for your creator and die to yourself. You have the option to live for yourself and die for yourself. You can get set free from yourself by dying to yourself. They may be one truth in some cases, but not all. You might feel that your thoughts are true, but where did you get them? The thoughts are not the only truth about: It's False because your thoughts aren't always the ONLY truth It's True because your thoughts are what drive you. People think the thoughts they have about themselves are what make them who they are. You may feel dead inside, but you are not dead. Their apathy amid this family’s crisis was unbearable.The main reason people kill themselves is that they have not yet died to themselves. Not long afterward some neighbors called to complain. Her young son had died by suicide in the entryway of their community. One evening, in a suicide survivors group, I listened as a mother described her agony. Especially after someone suffers the loss of a child. For half of my life, though, I thought I was Jesus’s sister. I understood that the repercussions would be awful if I let people know about my issues. I had been groomed to pretend that I was normal. Schizophrenia ran in my family, and at the age of 25, I was blindsided with the illness. I am from an era that didn’t talk about it. Mental illness was something I had been raised to shy away from. If I showed her compassion by letting her off easy, she would pay it forward and let me off easy. Less punishment would be more effective, I thought. She was a cutter, and when I found out I didn’t make her write a 20-page essay on "why I shouldn’t cut myself" - my standard punishment when my girls acted out. She had said, more than once, “I’m worried I’m going to kill myself.” I thought of her as my little drama queen, and I treated her worries as such. You see, the signs were obvious with my daughter. I’ve stopped tormenting myself about not having the ability to stop my child’s suicide. Things have changed a lot in the years since her death. It was as though the thought of any impending doom in the future didn’t matter. My daughter grew apathetic about homework due dates, when all of her life she had been so conscientious money problems that were sure to crop up were ignored. I don’t know how I didn’t see it: not worrying about future consequences. I keep coming back to one such warning sign, one that is so obvious now. In the decade since her death, Nadine has been stunned by the cruelty of some reactions, and healed by the kindness of others. Janis died by suicide about a year after this photo was taken. Nadine Murray with her daughter Janis at high school graduation. Related: Do you need help? Contact the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Maybe those things can be brushed off as “just a phase,” or maybe they’re indicative of a plan that you just can’t see. Others are more subtle: giving away something that was once coveted, or neglecting personal hygiene. When it comes to suicide, some warning signs are obvious: self-harm, for example. Janis had attended the College of Charleston for her freshman year, and decided to stay there in an apartment off campus, rather than come home to Myrtle Beach for the summer. It happened on a brutally hot night, in July, in Charleston, South Carolina.
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